INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT IS A NATURAL AND NECESSARY PART OF LEADERSHIP LIFE
It’s likely that no matter how smart, senior, or experienced you are, you struggle with interpersonal conflict, at least a little. I’m using the definition of conflict from the Cambridge Dictionary; “an active disagreement between people with opposing ideas or principles,” which is the most likely kind of conflict you will experience in your professional life.
When you fear or avoid conflict, it’s usually because you have a story in your head that it’s ‘bad’, ‘scary’ or ‘unhelpful’. But what if you were to believe that interpersonal conflict is, in fact, an entirely natural and normal part of life as a leader? You would be more likely to face it with a sense of optimism and curiosity, rather than fear or anxiety.
Conflict is often the consequence of focusing disproportionately on what divides us, rather than what unites us. We start with points of disagreement, get entrenched in our positions and become increasingly obstinate. We shift our focus from the issue at hand to winning the argument at all costs. Anyone in a long-term relationship knows exactly what I’m talking about!
What if, instead, you reframed the dialogue around what unites you? It’s my experience that we usually have far more in common than we appreciate or acknowledge.
When emotions are running high, it’s typically because people care deeply about the issue at hand. If you can harness that energy, rather than avoid or suppress it, you have an unrivalled opportunity to advance outcomes AND relationships at the same time. If you’re comfortable in the discomfort, then others are far more likely to calm down, join you there, and open up to a more authentic conversation.
INSPIRATION FROM OTHERS
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“When you have a conflict, that means that there are truths that have to be addressed on each side of the conflict.” – Dolores Huerta
QUESTIONS TO REFLECT ON
- What is the story you hold about interpersonal conflict?
- How do you typically respond to conflict?
- How would you like to respond to conflict in the future?
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